This week on Tumblr:
It’s a metaphor. You’re a metaphor. I’m a metaphor. Your keybord is a metaphor. Everything is a metaphor. The universe is turning into one giant metaphor on a molecular scale. Run. It’s too late.
Omfg I’m watching keeping up with the kardashians and it’s Kim’s baby shower and Kanye showed up and Kris proper hugged him and was like “THANK YOU FOR COMING”
it’s his fucking baby of course he’s coming
and oh christ as I typed that Kim started saying “…most amazing memories of my boyfriend coming”
OH MY LORD HE IS THE FATHER OF THE BABY THIS BABY SHOWER IS HELD FOR NOT SOME CELEBRITY GUEST
"Billy where is your homework?"
"im sorry Ms. Klein my dog- *sees dog in the window make a throat cutting motion* -gone cat ate it”